Wrote a blog about it, like to hear it? Here it go…
If you didn’t read that to the tune of En Vogue’s Free Your Mind then we can’t be friends. JK. But not really.
Honestly. Who the F*CK came up with the term advanced maternal age? Like, seriously. Come up with a new one, please. Something like maternally fabulous or flirty fertile or something cute and hashtag worthy. It has this ominous tone and is something most of us dread (or are dreading or already dreaded).
It is the eve, eve of my A.M.A. birthday (that just sounds more like an award than a diagnosis to me, so that is what I am going with) and I am NOT PSYCHED about it. I don’t know how many of the readers are pre or post A.M.A., but regardless it just has this dark cloud, danger zone vibe to it. I’ve been dreading it, to be honest, for years. I always just had this “have to get my baby making life together before 35” feeling. NO PRESSURE or anything. I know so many of my lady friends know what I am talking about.
And, all my single ladies….many are thinking the same thing. I’m 35 or almost 35 and I am single and what if I want a family too. It’s not just us old married broads thinking about this stuff. And it’s a combination of society, and media, and medical professionals, and a whole bunch of others who are basically saying hurry up before you’re 35 and your eggs are all hard boiled. But what if I want to work on my career? Or what if I want to travel? Or what if I am living my life? Or what if I am trying to meet someone and would love to, but it just hasn’t happened yet? Or what if you’ve been accosting your boo thang for 5 years to propose to you so you don’t have hard boiled eggs, but he is slow and steady and took forever and now you’ve been trying to 2 years prior to 35 and still haven’t gotten anywhere? (*Asking for a friend).
It just sucks that there is this real/imaginary line that once you cross or as you’re about to cross, those of us who want kids, have this sharp uh oh feeling that flows through our bodies. And, there have been so many unbelievable inroads made with assistive reproductive technologies that many more people are able to get pregnant after 35 and after 40 and so on which is amazing. But the fact remains.
There is also science behind that age. As my GYN said to me many years ago before I was even engaged, and I was asking her about this stuff (self-fulfilling prophecy I wonder?); “there is not some magical shut off valve that happens the moment you turn 35, but things do start to become more challenging”. So, she was trying to get me not to freak out about the actual day. But there are some real statistics behind challenges with pregnancy after 35; about ability to get and maintain a pregnancy, about possibility of defects, and even about likelihood of IVF working.
So, the fear is real people. It doesn’t mean it can’t happen, but it does mean it gets a little harder. And for someone whom it has already been hard, it is a little scary. There are even a bunch of procedures and tests that will now be magically covered for me after Saturday (bonus I guess?).
But, as much as I am not excited to bear that A.M.A. title, I am also pretty god damn ready to say deuces to 34 as well. There were certainly some pretty lovely moments, but 34, for the most part, you can kick rocks.
So, cheers to 35. And I do mean cheers because we’re having a party! And I won’t be able to drink in a few more days when I start my next cycle; microdose flare here we come.
Thanks to all of you for reading this and for your support throughout this process and for helping me #keephopealiveat35. It ain’t over till the fat lady sings!