FOOT TULIPS. I mean. Come On. ❤
I thought I’d never:
- Get a Mother’s Day card
- Get a shitty breakfast in bed
- Wish for a “day off” to not have to do anything
- Be so exhausted I thought I couldn’t go on
- Get peed on
- Get pooped on
- Get puked on
- Hear the glorious sound of baby giggles from the next room
- Rock a baby to sleep by singing I Want It That Way (in case we weren’t sure he was mine)
- Pump my life away for 9 months
- Order $18384829239057 worth of baby supplies from Amazon between 1 and 4am
- Or, an endless list of other mom things
I know this day sucks. A lot. For many. I am accutely aware of how hard, not only this day but the lead up to this day can be. Because I thought I’d never get to celebrate it. I thought it would always be a sad day. A reminder of the thing I wasn’t. Of the title I didn’t have. For 2 and a half long years the whole month of May was pretty rough and emotional. It has forever changed the way I look at this “holiday”.
For years I dreaded all the commercials, ads, pictures of families. And to be honest, I am still very uneasy about it all. The same way I debated putting up a baby announcement when we realized our miracle was real, I feel the same about mother’s day posts.
There have been many amazing articles and posts that have been shared widely this week and this surely won’t do those any justice but I just want to highlight a few themes of what I’ve been thinking:
- This day (and the lead up) is REALLY hard for some people. Certainly what comes to mind most for me are the people who so desperately want a child or children or those who have gone through the loss of a child or pregnancy loss. I have been so lucky to have been granted this dream of motherhood after years of heartache by some insane luck/alignment of stars/timing/guardian angel/universe/womb potion (yes a friend really gave me this and I can’t say it didn’t work because well…). I spent multiple years avoiding social media on this day because it was just too painful. As much as I was happy for my mommy family and friends, seeing all the posts were just like one gut punch after the next. So, to all my TTC (trying to conceive) community or the MC (miscarriage) community if you want to go into full media lockdown today. I get it. I hear you. Do what you need to do to preserve your sanity and wellbeing. If you don’t “like” 105 family photos today, everyone else will live. Yvonne Abraham did a beautiful job describing basically every feeling I have had, and have, about Mother’s Day for the Boston Globe.
- It can also be hard for those who are estranged from their families, didn’t grow up with a mom, lost their mom, or a whole host of other reasons. Just keep in mind this day is weird and not awesome for many, so don’t make assumptions.
- That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t celebrate moms! Because, for real, MOMS ARE THE TRUTH. Women are magic and moms are goddamn super heroes. And we shouldn’t just celebrate them on one day we should celebrate them every damn day. And we shouldn’t just do them some sort of fake favor by actually helping out around the house for once or fake acknowledging everything they do on one random Sunday and then go back to letting them do an unfair share of the work (just saying). The invisible labor of moms is real. Please take a moment to read (1) what this day was actually supposed to be about until it was commercialized into cards, flowers, brunch day aka activism and better care for mom and baby after birth. Shout out to Katherine Goldstein and Amy Westervelt for writing this piece for Medium showing the revolutionary roots of Mother’s Day and how to calculate the invisible labor ($26k from me!) many mothers are doing to keep households afloat. Also, (2) how we are incredibly NOT taking care of mothers after they give birth. At all. Our maternal mortality rate is INCREASING. Its 2019. What the actual EFF. Samantha Pearson wrote an amazing and horrifying article for HuffPost. We don’t take care of moms in this country and the results are staggering.
So, to all my fertility warriors out there, take it easy today. I know it’s not easy. To all my moms out there, enjoy it in whatever way feels good. I’m in a FB group where some moms plan their own day and buy their own gift so they get to do what they want and I say DO YOU GIRL. Whatever feels right on this day do it. Whether it is a black hole of binge watching Netflix, sleeping/hiding until Tuesday, reminiscing, fancy brunch, breakfast in bed, or staring at fridge art just know it’s all the right way to get through the day.
PS: instead of all the gifts, cards and nonsense can we just pay women what they’re worth and give them a real freaking maternity leave? Just a thought.
PPS: Please follow me on Instagram @notquiteknockedup and check me out on the Ali on the Run Podcast as part of her (Bomb Ass) Motherhood Series. I’m terrified and excited to be on and probably won’t listen for fear of what my voice sounds like. 🙂