I never thought while going through this infertility struggle that I could say I feel blessed, but I honestly do. While there have been so many moments of intense sadness, loneliness, and hopelessness, recently I have been feeling more grateful than anything. WHICH IS REALLY EFFING WEIRD. Don’t get me wrong, I am still mostly at least a little sad most of the time, lol. But I also have realized more than ever that I have the bomb support system and I cannot imagine going through all of this without them.
Even when no one knows what to say or what to do (because what do you say or do really?) they still try, and they still do. And it all means a lot even when I can’t accept it at certain down moments. The generosity we have been lucky enough to (sometimes embarrassingly) accept has been overwhelming. And I don’t mean just financial, but there has been that too. Generosity of time, patience, understanding, space, everything.
Friends who have called and texted regularly just to check in. Ones who have given space when they knew I couldn’t talk. Ones who have given me grace for not being able to be the best friend I have ever been. Others who have been understanding when I couldn’t come to showers or birthday parties, when I would normally drive hours for those things at the drop of a hat. Others that would come over and have a sweatpants day, or offer to come by with an iced (always iced) coffee after I got bad news. And others who have called or texted with absolute ridiculousness so I could laugh and be distracted.
And then we had people want to help lift the financial burden of this struggle. That has been the hardest to accept. Because you don’t want to need that money. And you also don’t want anyone to feel like you need the money. And you don’t want money for this bullshit, crappy, sad reason. But when this has happened it has been completely unexpected, somewhat embarrassing, but also beyond appreciated. More for the thought and the meaning behind it, than the actual financial generosity. It feels like when we do finally have our little family, some way, somehow, it will be everyone’s success and celebration, not just ours. That’s actually kind of a nice feeling, within a tornado of the worst feelings. ❤
When they say it takes a village, they do not lie. We feel super grateful for everyone we have with us, near and far, in spirit and in person, for helping push us to keep going and to pick us up when we need that.