Alright peeps, we are locked and loaded.  Operation stab myself has commenced. Take a look at this sexy spread of drugs…

I opened the ginormous box I got from the pharmacy and was like…

I was put on the pill beforehand for a couple of weeks to suppress everything and make sure we could essentially have it be scheduled.  Went in last Wednesday for my suppression check aka bloodwork and ultrasound, expecting they’d call me and say ok we can start this weekend.  But naaaaaaaay, they called and said ok start tonight. Between 7 and 9pm and I was like wait. Now.  Like, today??!?!?!

I guess I was theoretically ready because I’ve been waiting for this for months at this point.  But I got my stabbing lesson like 2 months ago and even though my brain is usually like a vault for things like this, I got wicked nervous because you do NOT want to EFF this up.  Luckily the pharmacy has the bomb step by step videos which was so relieving while I was doing it.  If you find yourself in a similar sitch, definitely check them out: http://www.villagefertilitypharmacy.com.

The best part of this whole thing is that this was Wednesday 5/31.  We were slated to close on our first house on Thursday, June 1st and move on June 2nd and Kenny start a new job on Tuesday, June 6th.

*So what you’re saying is it’s not normal to buy a house, move into said house, start a new job, and start IVF within a span of 4 days? Oh, ok.  Cool cool cool.*

Anyway, we only do major life changes at the same time.  Marriage, interstate move, and both starting new jobs in one month.  Why not do house, job, and IVF too?  Note.  Don’t do this, it’s insane.  LOL  It’s also arguably the busiest month of the year for my job doing new student orientation, so there’s that.  All jokes aside, if you’re contemplating and thinking about timing, etc., don’t.  Just do it.  Because, there will be no perfect time.  It will never line up just right on a month where you have no plans.  You have no idea how long it will take.  Plus, depending on the type of cycle you are doing, you also may have a waiting period afterwards before you try the implantation piece.  So, listen to Nike. Just do it, if you can.

Given all of this, I had my first set of injections after casually sobbing in the bank due to wire transfer issues for our closing (and that was BEFORE I was full of hormones, great), and amidst a tower of moving boxes, on my brother’s coffee table.  Totally relaxed, stress free setting. *eye roll emoji*

I was sent 4 medications:

Follistim: Used to create multiple follicles so that when you do the retrieval you get as many of those little suckers as you can!
Menopur: Used for follicle stimulation and encourages your ovary to produce eggs. Works with the Follistim.
Cetrotide: Used to prevent premature ovulation.  It’s a weird balance.  They want you to be growing mad eggs, but they don’t want your body to release them because they want to scoop them out themselves.  So this one is working against what your body would do with all the other stuff in your system.
Pregnyl: Used to induce ovulation.  Basically the opposite of Cetrotide.  You wait to use this until right before retrieval.

For the record, these are the most basic, least medical, least official descriptions of these.  They are also specific to my prescriptions, and other people and docs use different things, but you get the idea.

So, since Wednesday I have had to give myself injections of Follistim and Menopur to start.  Follistim is so cool.  It is a pen, similar to an insulin pen if you’ve seen one.  Just dial the dosage you are given, aim, stab, and you’re good.  Menopur on the other hand is a WHOLE THING.  I have to do a double dose, and it has to be mixed by you.  What am I a professional chemist?  This seems like a bad idea.  LOL.  It’s actually not that bad, but definitely intimidating.  One vial of liquid, two vials of powder, then aim, stab, shoot.

Real talk.  I was terrified and held the needle facing me for a minute, while Kenny watched and then was like 1, 2, 3 AHHHH.  Not that bad.  They are subcutaneous injections, meaning a pretty short needle, just getting under the skin.  You can do it on your belly below your belly button, on your upper, outer thigh, or back of your arms.  I went belly, because I could see and reach it well.  Also, I figured it was squishy and it would hurt less.  True story, that’s my brain.  I did try the thigh on the second day, not a fan.  See, I have quads of steel, million years of dance and gymnastics to thank (or hate) for those.  For better or worse, those things are rock solid.  My squishy thigh meat is on the inner thigh, so the upper outer hurt like a beyotch.  So, I’m gonna go ahead and skip that.  Just alternating sides of the tummy for now.

Some people have a friend or signif do the shots.  But I wanted to do it myself for a number of reasons.

1. Control freak.  Need not be explained.
2. Practical. What if one day I am by myself and I had him do it before? Then what?  Nah.
3. Murder.  I didn’t want to want to murder him if he didn’t do it how I wanted it, or if it hurt.  If I hurt myself then whatevski.

I got the hang of it pretty quickly, and got into a routine.  Did it at 9pm every night so I knew I would be home and wouldn’t have to worry about being out and about.  I had to go in Sunday for a check.  After that my estrogen was low so they almost doubled my dose to get that up there.  Then went for another check yesterday, I was told “You have a couple big ones on the left”, cool never thought I would hear that statement. They upped my dose again and added in the cetrotide to start this morning.

Let me tell you.  I did NOT do that one well.  It is similar to the menopur that you have to mix it, but comes with a huge syringe and prefilled with liquid, and the morning rush really threw me off.  I ended up having half the solution still in the bottle, and then had to put it all back in and start over.  Then I gave myself the injection and there was medication still in the syringe!  So I had to put another needle on and do the rest.  Of course, I freaked out and called the doctor.  And good news, I did what they would have told me to do.  But still.  You just don’t want to feel like you did anything to mess this up!

I am scheduled for another check tomorrow morning and we will see where we go from there.  I had to get refills for two of the meds because I ran out due to the high dosages.  Definitely have had moments of feeling really grateful for having insurance the past couple of weeks.  As annoying as it can be going back and forth and dealing with approvals, denials, appeals, etc., nothing is as shitty as if I couldn’t even consider doing this because we didn’t have $40,000. So, talk about #perspective.

I’ve got little bruises all over my belly, and I can’t remember which side I did last, especially since adding the morning shot.  So, I look like a tiny leprechaun has been practicing boxing on my stomach, but in the scheme of things it isn’t as bad as I was anticipating.  The Menopur actually hurts going in, not the needle but the medication itself, but it’s over quick.  Also, for anyone who might be doing this, I’ve been told I have a high tolerance for pain.  ~I got it from my momma.~ So I suggest you plan for the worst, and if it isn’t as bad as you thought, then bonus.

Also, I expected to feel like a total PSYCHO by now with all the hormones.  And I really don’t feel that way.  Usually in orientation season I would be more high strung, and have shorter patience than usual, because it’s my biggest work responsibility and a million moving parts I don’t want to get screwed up.  But I don’t feel psycho at all, I actually feel really calm.  Maybe because I have good vibes about this, and it feels really good to be taking an actual action to help move us in the right direction.  Maybe because we are moved in and settled into this adorable little nugget ranch of our own with this BOMB ASS KITCHEN:

Whatever the reason, I’ll take it.  Because I thought I would be alternating between screaming and sobbing, and so far neither.  I did more crying about the bank about the wire transfer.

So, we’ll see what happens now. I expect within the week I will be going in for retrieval, but you just never know when because they have to monitor you every couple of days to see your status.  I’ll take all your positive vibes sent my way! Here goes nothing!